Realizing YOU'RE the idiot

Ok so do you ever have those times where you are just shooting off your mouth about something only to realize you actually have it twisted and you are wrong? Story of my week ha ha ha.

So I am driving down the highway, and mind you this has been months in the making....In our great little area they have these roads that your tax dollars built, buuuuuut that was only a rental fee apparently because you also have to pay to drive on them every time you use them. Yes that is right, you somehow manage to continue to pay for them over and over and over and over and over and over and over again...get it never ending.

So yeah anyway I am getting upset because they are working on these roads that I seem to be paying a second mortgage for every time I drive down them ( I am not bitter at all about the charges for this, can you tell)? Now as these roads are being fixed they came up with the nifty idea of an express lane. I must say if they are going to screw us at least they thought of this one courtesy. See this lane works by allowing people that are going a further distance the option of getting in lane (which could stand to be widened, I'm just sayin) and driving without dealing with all of the off and on ramp traffic.

This is kind of a neat idea except those times when you miss your exit because you should have gotten out at the last exit since there isn't one for the road you need, so you end up going 10 miles down the road only to turn around and head back down the opposite direction. Of course not before getting robbed an extra time for your stupidity as you are utilizing another entrance which of course is worthy of another surcharge (everything has it's price right).

Anyway I am getting off track here, so for months and sadly there is no exaggeration here I am telling the truth. I do mean months, I have been entering the express lane through the same entrance now and I always felt it was a little awkward to get into. In my mind I cursed the ninnies who decided this is how it should be put together. I can just here myself in my head that was stupid, who thinks of these things, Some one flunked out of architec school, I hope this dummy was fired when he finished this project, and many other less clean grumbles but you get my drift.

I just happen to be talking on the phone one of these days as I am driving along. This guy is giving me trouble about getting in, and I am just goin to town on him, I mean really giving it to him. "Hey move over numb nuts, nobody cares about the rush that you're in, have some courtesy! What a blankity blank blank! Now oops I forgot to mention my mom is the person on the other end of the line. She about has a heart attack as she screams what?! I said oh sorry some jackwad is just trying to block other people from getting into the express lane, the nerve of some people. As this has happened now about 3 or 4 times where I am on the phone explaining to people the ignorant trash that is on our roadways and how rude they are just because they never want to let me in when I am trying to get in the express lane. No No the fact that this occurs on a regular basis was not a all the LEAST bit alarming to me. We continue on. This time I am talking to my sister an I am giving the whole we are the world speech you know, We all have to share this lane, that is so inconsiderate that people are like that, I can't believe he wouldn't just let me in and now he is yelling at me I am going to just pray for him cuz that's just ugly acting and I am not stooping to his level (this time).

Then for some reason probably about the 99th time that I had committed this offense, I get into yet another shouting match with myself being the only person that can hear me, but that jerk that cut me off is darn sure seeing my hand gestures, when suddenly.......... a light bulb goes off................Waiiiiittt......OHhhhhhhh this is only for exits! lol No wonder it was so hard to get in here and everyone was so pissed at me!

......yup it's official, I'm the idiot

The Balanced MPU

At what point does one receive the magic calculation to the perfect balance in life? Work, kids, marriage, kids, house, kids, kids kids kids, school, kids, myself? How does this all work out? When do we get the much needed "me/mommy" time? I sure hope the answer is not what it appears to be =NEVER!

I find myself having a good run where all things seem to be going along smooth sailing, "You need a costume for school? Sure no problem I will whip that up right now in my 6 inch heels, Here is a tasty low calorie healthy dinner family...;)Enjoy, I am going to hit the treadmill for about an hour in my pearls love you guys". All is well Donna Reid and Betty Crocker have converged to create MEGA MOM, I am able to get done all that I need to without spazzing out. Then out of nowhere that worm virus downloads itself into my well though out plan and one kink gets thrown in the system and suddenly all goes awry. It's like I love Lucy in the chocolate factory, I am constantly eating the chocolates to try and catch up (have you seen my hips lately?) when there appears to be no end in sight with zero time not only for what I want to do but, not a spare moment to get anything done. Immersed in the woman windows mainframe I begin to spin with any and every emotion one could ever experience. Then suddenly after my mother mainframes issues a message of sytems overload which usually means I break down in tears for at least a 3 day "maintenance run" I am able to get back on track. Frankly I would like to skip the whole tears and frustration scenario and just find a system that works! I want time to work out, time go out with my husband, time to do my homework, and time to be the awesome mom that bakes cookies and sews clothing without breaking a sweat. Who do I contact about taking notes on this because the time that I currently have in a day is simply not enough. I have tried dropping the things that are considered less important but they always stay there in the back of my mind as important things that aren't on my list of things to do. I wish there was some Excel Formula that I could use to make it all ok. Moms+to do list-freakout+perfection+additional time=sum of Nirvana. Anyone got something like that? I thought not, I will keep searching and let you know when I figure it out.

Had somewhat of a productive weekend. Made time for the kids to do "fun" stuff like play outside and go to the fair. Got homework done, you know I just cancelled that whole sleep thing that a normal person gets about 8-10 hours, I felt 4 was sufficient, walking zombies are more productive than you think. I Made a couple of dresses for life force sucker #1 codename princess, and a costume for life force sucker #2 codename difficult who has an Alphabet party at school, of course that meant turkey dogs for dinner in order to get the Mother's day shopping and a load of laundry done. In the back of my mind though I just kept thinking things have been flowing too well which of course just means that there is the forefront of a storm brewing in with a new breakdown sure to rear it's premenstrual, overworked, overloaded head. Spewing dirty dishes, a tornado of dirty clothes, and tears on the horizon...I can feel it. oh yes I feel it coming.

Parenthood, Life, and other Musings

So I have been thinking about a few things, like women do, you know losing sleep all night long running plays in my head over and over. Didn't want to get more frustrated by stressing my husband out with it. He is one of those guys that can listen at times, (emphasis on the at times) but then almost like a transfer of emotion he is upset while I am calm after I have gotten things off of my chest. It really is just a repetitious cylce because I then get stressed because he is stressed. No need for both of us to be stressed right so I decided to expel my analytical diarrhea before it drove me crazy, this might be a little all over the place but bear with me.

Life in general: At what point did these unrealistic standards get set as examples of the perfect lifestyle? Shouldn't what makes you happy be your idea of a perfect life? You have a roof over your head, family and friends, and even though you know it is wrong to envy, you can't stop yourself. Oh I wish I looked like her, made what she made, had a car like that. All things that for the most part shouldn't matter. Why can't one be happy just to be? Even Socrates didn't have the answer for that crap. I will continue to ponder.

Parenthood: So until you have children you will never fully understand the pressure and stress that comes along with the experience of being a parent. Though it is the most wonderful life changing event anyone could ever experience, it is also very trying.

I love and I do mean LOVE LOVE LOVE my children to death, but sometimes you just reach a point where you wonder if you are doing this right. Let's face it we have all at one time or another seen a child misbehaving in a store or in a restaurant and laughed to ourselves, oh no honey see if that was my child I would not be havin that. YEAH right! Those are people with no kids, or brainwashed children. Because, keeping it real at one time or another that will be your child. I know it's embarrassing isn't it? You try to act like they aren't with you, or you don't make eye contact with the people that are staring at you like awww that poor bad mom, her kid is the devil, while you are waiting for the floor to open up a black hole and suck you in. For once I wish some one would stand up and shout, Don't you judge me! You don't even know me! I wish 7 bad kids on all of you! You know all of you have kids that do this too! Don't look at me like it's my fault, I am not the one on the floor screaming as if my hair is on fire because I can't have a piece of candy, that is him and I am trying to fix it but you make it worse when you all stare at him and give him the pity eyes like I am making him do it! In case you didn't pick up on that memo...I have been there done that with my children. As you can see though, after having my own issues with my children I have tried to stop that mentality of the disapproving onlooker, I know how it feels.
My children are two of the most stubborn kids in the entire world sometimes I swear. I work to be the perfect portrait of the "good mom" standard that has been envisioned all this time. Which by the way if I ever figure out who painted that portrait, I will choke them! Sufficient to say it just isn't that easy.
I grew up a pretty good kid, great grades, loved school, taught to respect my elders. How does one do this? I wish I knew the answer because I swear I am raising my children the same way I was raised but they just aren't getting it! My kids can be punished 30 times over and for the most part, the desired outcome is never witnessed. You can spank them, talk till you are blue in the face, take every single toy they own, put them in timeout for an hour in Siberia, give them enough stickers to build the sears tower, make little charts, or put soap in their mouths, and like a UFC fighter that refuses to go down they get back up and look at you shaking it off like...and so...That's all you got? Come the heck on seriously.
Some days I am at my wits end as to what is the one thing that will reach them and keep them on track. There should be a magic pill or something that we can do; short of investing in one of those dog training shock collars (clearly that is inappropriate and I wouldn't do that, but it's a thought). Is it the language I am speaking? I have thought about this at times when I am really desperate; like hmmm...I wonder if I am somehow off line with what they are thinking and they by some miracle speak French or German when it comes to punishment? Do they have a "special" word that means stop to them? What if I am saying it wrong? FAT CHANCE. It was worth a shot, so now we are just back at square one facing the reality that they just don't listen, and I am repeating myself and trying everything else under the sun that is in every book I can get my hands on. I believe I have a future in the Calgon take me away commercials, because I think that several times a day. The most frustrating thing is even though I know this is normal, I can say it, but I can't make myself believe it. I have the guilt for working, the anger that they won't listen, the shame from them not behaving, and 7,000 other emotions that run through my head daily. This estrogen stuff is for the birds.

People that don't listen:

I hate to say it but I just can't take people that do not listen, I hate repeating myself. I might as well be talking to those mini people that live with me! If I wanted to repeat myself and deal with people not listening I would be a stay at home mom. Stop interupting me if you want to know the answer, and open your ears when I give it to you!!! You know those people that think that they know everything, but then they keep asking you how to do it? Did you hear what I just said? That's right you just asked me how to do it...why are you telling me how you would do it instead of listening to the answer YOU requested? I don't have spare time to listen to you hear yourself. I am answering your question because you asked, obviously they way you were going to do it wasn't working so you came to me. Am I right? ahhh ok done now.

~My Day

Ok well this is my first blog, so let's see here goes.

It has been a pretty much average kind of day so far. The normal trials and tribulations persist, but for some reason today I am handling it fine...this is probably because the kids listened this morning so I have not used up my patience yet.

~Wake up- After weighing the odds of what I could do without to get more sleep (you would think it would be easier to just get up, instead of playing process of elimination) I decided I could forgo makeup and my hair could just use a light flat iron...good 10 minutes of snooze. All hell broke loose when the alarm went off again and I was still not ready to get out of bed, clumsily tripping to get to the alarm before I was fully alert I stubbed my toe, shoot! I had to think quick...I could do without making coffee and buy it at work sweet 5 more minutes of snooze. There is that sound again, Damn, ok I have to get up short of skipping a much needed shower and brushing my teeth I had already given all I could lose and needed to get a move on.

~ Morning routine- Both kids put on the clothes I picked out with minimal complaints and are not arguing at the breakfast table. Outlook for the day is up.

~Exit strategy- Boy wonder here is giving me attitude because he wants to wear some dirty, janky sweater that he has already worn instead of his jacket and will not listen to reason when I say no...use of excessive force? No need, in a fit of rage and whining he stomps back to his room to change after yelling at me how it matched his shoes and I am SO mean for making him change...yeah whatever sell that sob story to someone who cares. Mission accomplished. Both kids have now been successfully dropped off at said destinations and I am on my way.

~Traffic
Ok so even though I left 15 minutes earlier than usual to get to work, I was still late because of construction...Has anyone written a letter to the state yet? Just wondering because this is getting ridiculous. That's right I admit it...I'm a letter writer. I don't appreciate my tax dollars making me late to make more money that I eventually will have to give up in taxes anyway...it's just a vicious cycle.

~Work- Seems to be ok today no irate personnel is good stuff. I still have to leave to endure an afternoon with the munchkin though. Today is my day to pick him up from school. Yesterday was a challenge. My usual excitement and happiness to see him lasts about 3-5 minutes, just long enoug for him to start in with the mouth. He spent most of the afternoon in his room uncleaning it. Today will probably be more of the same unless he chooses to get on board the cooperation ship and just pick up the 7 items that are littering his path. Knowing my sweet, fun loving, argumentative, stubborn, little bundle of testosterone I believe the decision will be to receive several time outs and cry about how he needs help picking up the small objects that should take only about 6 minutes to pick up. Judge is still out on that decision but I am almost certain this afternoon will be trying. That is just how he rolls and the sooner I accept it and find a strategy around it that works, the better my blood pressure will be. Wish me luck

Stay tuned