Future Lawyers?

So I have one very important question. When will my kids stop arguing?

If I have to be the judge and jury one more time on who did it, who is grounded, and who is going to pay for it if I come in there one more time I might just scream. They continually whine and fight and blame the other and my ears are at a point where I am sure they may just start to bleed. The thing that gets me is the oldest whining about how it's all her fault as he is getting punished and sent to his room he is crying between bouts of possessed accusatory rants about how "YOU MADE ME GET IN TROUBLE, but mommmmeeeeeeee wahhhhhh  leave me a lone YOU DID THIS"!! Mooooooooooom oooooo. The other is crying and smiling slyly at the same time not quite sure how much trouble she is in yet but clearly wanting to enjoy her victory rejoicing on the inside about how she has sent her brother over the edge before her sentence is carried out. I have explained this to him several times that you are 7 she is 4, dont' give her what she wants. If you are willing to SCREAM at her over singing the wrong lyrics to a song (which by the way she is doing on purpose just to piss you off and get you in trouble...mission accomplished) then you are actually at fault for not controlling your emotions. I don't give a good gosh darn if she is singing Pdiddy had a farm and bingo was his name o boots with the fur nothin on your face babe. It isn't reaching out and grabbing you and you aren't bleeding from it so NO BODY YELLS (I'm yelling now) IN THIS HOUSE AGAIN ARE WE CLEAR?!!!!!?
           Don't get me wrong though, that little one is a crazy type of devious vindictive little rascal. I am convinced her goal in life is to see him upset. No matter how many times she is grounded, or scolded, or punished, or toys taken away. If she can inflict emotional distress on the boy even if she has to pay for it later, well her mouth waters just thinking about it. Gladly serving a nights stay in her room over and over again she lives with no regrets. Only one thought running through her mind, at any and all cost make him pay. Pay? Pay For what? Well your guess is as good as mine because if you asked me, he just isn't worth it. She does her job and is good at it except for one little thought that hadn't crossed her mind... I wrote the book on that honey and it's copy written. I hold the patent, the rights, and they are reserved chick! So for every emotional breakdown you put him through just know that I will be there to ground you as well because I know 96% of the time you are behind his frustration (just ask your aunt or grandma).
         Now uunfortunately he isn't catching on to the game fast enough, I hate to punish him but a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do. Hopefully he heeds my advice from behind enemy lines and lets her fall from grace alone. Either way I am going to invest in ear plugs because if one more person tries to plead their case to me about why it is her and not me or he and not I might just ground every kid in America! Let's hope they are just practicing for law school or that they learn to get along because living in my home has been quite unbearable for the past few weeks and I might institute muzzles if I am referee for one more brawl.
                I know some are snickering right now. Some that are related to me may even be daring to think the words that I some how deserved this hell....let me tell you two things. I shall remind you there was only one of me, and are you free to babysit? :)