So your kids think your'e idiots

Well it's been a while since I have had a chance to write, thanks Julie for the reminder :) In case you are wondering if the children previously mentioned in recent blogs are still for sale, the answer is actually NO.......... That's right, they are now free to the first bidder, any takers? So I know every kid goes through it but it is safe to say I am a little, well quite frankly very astonished that the boy has been stealing from me! Yes that's right, literally taking food out of his own mouth...and he's the smart one? Now there is a back story to how this was discovered so here we go. This one will be a long one so go get your coffee and snuggle up.

Once upon a time...ha just kidding. So when I get home at night after I change out of my work clothes and into my pj's I empty my pockets into a wicker basket on my dresser. This usually means lip gloss and any money and possibly a hair tie or two possibly earrings end up in this basket. Then the last step in the morning after I get dressed is to apply lip gloss and put said money into my pocket before fighting with the kids (who have been ready and doing nothing for the last 10minutes, but now all of a sudden have to go to the bathroom, need to find gloves, toys, lunches, reinvent the wheel etc).


      Well this time I go in my basket and there is no money there, my first thought is dang no coffee today oh well. Then I think I swear I put money in there but brush it off. I take money out of the ATM and move on with my day.
    Now, I receive a call from the school about a frivolous spender coming in the office like a baller and slapping money on the counter buying up all the smencils (smelly pencils, you know grape, chocolate, cherry). At this point I think he is taking money out of his piggy bank, which he has been dying to spend so I make a mental note to lecture him that night. The lady in the office explains he came in to buy pencils and an ornament which she says was a lot of money that kids don't normally have, it was $10. So I think about it and before I commit to removing the piggy bank from his room I say well you know what I don't want to ruin a potential Christmas gift my husband might have given him money to purchase something for me can you call him? She calls and true to the game of telephone I receive a call from him 5 minutes later asking if I gave him money. I explain that I did not, but that he might be trying to buy presents out of his own money and for him to talk to him. He calls back to the school and talks to James on the phone, it apparently was a gift for me (How sweet Robin Hood buying me a gift with my own loot). I go to pick him up from after school club and the lady explains he was a little upset because he wanted to buy a snack out of the vending machine and they wouldn't let him. I am thinking boy this kid is trying to spend like the money is going to disappear. Now I talk to him about taking money out of his bank and spending without asking and all that jazz (you think Eeazel would have mentioned at some point that it was actually my money he was trying to spend) but he listens to the lecture and moves on.
      Morning rush 2 days later same thing...I know I had money in there! I call the hubby and inquire did you take my money (see I lose it frequently so I am not really "allowed" to hold onto cash, which in turn made me the perfect target apparently since I didn't notice it was "missing")? He says no so I think I must have left it in a pair of pants or it's in the bottom of my purse or a coat pocket and I will come across it eventually. I take more money out and go on with my day.
      Cut to midnight bathroom breaks as the astonished hubby finds $7 that falls out of the boys underwear (Ewwww) on the bathroom floor as he is getting him to go on command in his sleep. He brings it in and says hey look at this we laugh and then like a ton of bricks it hits me. Hey!!! I jump up and check my basket on my dresser...EMPTY! (like the kid in a Christmas Story) Empty empty empty!!!! I am now livid and seeing red, as I explain to him that I put money in there tonight and what I believe has been happening. The next day he confronts him and he admits that he took money out of there 3 times (wait, so there was another time when I didn't even notice)! I am so mad but since daddy handled it I talk to him about it briefly explaining how wrong it is and accept his apology and move on.
    Do you know this Joker had the nerve to do it again 2 days later!! This ballsy little bandit now has the wrath of mom swooping down him and has the nerve to look at me like I am over reacting? I explain that not only is it rude but it is in the Bible as one of the 10 commandments (this fool looks at me and says I did NOT know that, like oh wow now I will stop) Gripping the carpet with my toes so that I don't jump across the room rip his arms off and choke him with his own thieving hands, I explained that he will now write thou shalt not steal until I think he has vowed to not steal or his hand falls over whichever happens first, and he is grounded to his room no DS for 2 nights when we get home as well, as no longer allowed in my bedroom since I can't trust him. I mean I am going ballistic explaining how in other countries they would have chopped his hand off and he is staring at like dawg it was $10 really. I told him you know what that's fine. Steal from me again because every dollar you take from me, you will pay me back in double so I just doubled my $10 dollars it works for me as I take $10 from his bank. That was the clincher like a dagger through the heart he now throws a pity party in his room until it's time to walk out the door, (guess what I don't feel sorry for you). Of course as we get up to leave he says oh I can't find my gloves I say oh well time to go you were probably too busy stealing from me to remember where you put them, he looks at me like how could you? I stare him down like joker HOW COULD YOU! I mean 2 days after Christmas really? He is lucky I didn't pack everything back up and take it to the store. STEAL FROM ME! Hmmmph I dare you, try it again.

Now you would think with all of this going on the little one would stand back and enjoy the show and redirect her path out of the line of fire. NOPE! As I walk past the bedroom last night and think I better make sure she is warm enough, I go into her room and she hurriedly lays flat (which means, she is up to evil). I go over to her and lift her up to find her leapster (handheld video game) on. I am breathing in and out now because I am like are you serious right now? This kid just got sent to bed early because I found about 20 empty candy wrappers hidden under her pillow and she is still trippin? I look at her and before I can take it away and just ground her from it I am infuriated as she also tries to lie to me. She says, I was having it on because daddy told me I could have my door open and you closed it, I stop her and explain to her that I don't like liars and my blood is boiling so try again. She says yes I was trying to sleep and daddy said I could sleep with my door open (enraged on the inside as she continues with the lie even after I warned her, I count to 10) I say ok so let me get this straight, you expect me to be STUPID enough to believe that the only reason you are sleeping with this game is for the illumination that emits from the screen as you play? She looks at me like No? I say you are darn right now, give me that dang game and don't even think about it for the next week as leave the room in a hurry before I start taking head shots to put on her for sale sign.

In case you were wondering kids...No we are not idiots! Hell, we were smarter than you are and probably would have gotten away with it at that age. When you insult your parents intelligence you only make it harder on yourself. We are already aware of your unsavory actions and the punishment only gets worse as you stumble over your words for the explanation. Moral of the story is TELL THE TRUTH!