Welcome to my blog! I often use this as a way to express my feelings or frustration with situations. Hope you enjoy reading it and it serves to provide you with a little entertainment as well.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Morning Emotion Excercises

Here we go. I suppose it's something that at least it was day 3 week 1 and not day 1 week one. The daughter is exhausted from having so much fun at the place she counted down to go to...SCHOOL. This walking contradiction was all over the place this morning. She whines about getting up. Friend rings doorbell 15 minutes after wake up but 40 minutes earlier than usual (oh now we are perky). I shut down a clearly planned sooner than needed departure. Yay me, I am rewarded with whining about being at school on time. You just stood here and told me you were sleepy; but now you want to leave early enough that school won't be open for 30 minutes? You did cover opposites in kindergarten right? Seems fishy, no way am I allowing that much unsupervised time. Not my first rodeo. The next hurdle was the outfit. I consider my approach carefully because, you know I know nothing. Mom's are are actually the job that you get the least amount of training for. We just start at the bottom rung and once you make it through the teens we can move up the ranks. Education what's that? Prior knowledge and experience from I don't know living 25 years before you! Yup I'm clearly an ignoramus and now will consult 9 year olds in all future life decisions as they must have been born during the age of enlightenment. I drop the hint that it's going to be another hot one. She ignores me of course (my voice must be on dog whistle when talking to my children). So now I have to put it out there in the form of her idea. I say "Hey it is going to be as hot as it was yesterday, you sure you don't want to wear something a little cooler"? She says "No, I'm fine" smugly as she swallows celery and toast with peanut butter without the appearance of chewing (whatever, if it's food and minimally processed I will kind of allow any mash up of minimal sugar at this point in their diets).

I notice the rush and wonder if I inform her that no matter what tasks need to be completed; even if achieved in Guinness world record times she isn't going anywhere before normal agreed upon ranges of pace+classroom availability* miles / amount of time she can be trusted to be out of my sight line. I figure that's the worst decision ever if I am going to get on with this outfit mission. Battle before the war and all. I say "It's supposed to be 80, maybe long Johns aren't the right look for the day". After gently dropping a few more hints and putting on the weather channel, I realize she's going to make me be the jerk (you know so she can complain about me being a jerk). I say "Ok your school has no air, it was burning up yesterday, you will be running around in the sun wearing clothes you normally wear under normal clothes to play in the snow". She stares at me with that mask of these are all things I already know you must have failed at being 9 and mom camp may want to focus on this area face. Deep breath in, blink breathe out, don't yell, don't throw rip her out of said outfit, I'm now ready. "Ok". I say "Just a heads up I will not take phone calls about dizziness, nausea, or bringing changes of clothing. If you are hot and stinky or sick you better ride it out". I see her pondering. Dad comes out of the bathroom (yay reinforcements) I quickly say to him "Oh it's supposed to be hot today again" and give the eyes. See in case you didn't know; sometimes dad's were allowed to learn things. According to my children Socrates clearly married down to my level so his word about fashion counts. Kind of like puberty late bloomers or something mom's have to wait till they are like 40 to be educated properly it seems. In my dumbed downed pea sized idea space I know that is what they think so I use this against them. Dad says "Oh you are going to burn up in that you might want to change". Light bulb comes on and I see her wearing thin now that the all knowing guru has said something. I tell her one more time "It is a nice outfit, I understand wanting to wear it but maybe save it for when it's colder"? Why mutha you ol sneaky vixen flattauhry will get me everywhere. She goes to change. Reemerges. Dang it! I have to tell her that her hair looks like she just crawled under barbed wire. I ask, "Did you brush your hair"? She of course says "Yes" (why did I even ask). I mention she may have missed a spot. Finally it comes out and she explains " I like don't really care" (points for honesty). Did I miss something? So fashion shows (judging and impressing peers based on what their parents buy for them and they had no choice in makes perfect sense right) now only consist of outfits? If this were the case why wouldn't everyone on the Vogue catwalk be bald? There aren't a million Amber Roses in this world so I'm calling flag on the play. You can't seriously be the same girl that throws fits about what matches, and wearing a specific dress because "I want you to be ugly" and then tell me that personal hygiene doesn't matter? You spend time putting a lot of lipstick on pigs?? I've had enough and tell her "You should care". Sweet! Wind up for the mom speech (awesome I wanted to be this person...NOT). "How you present yourself is how people will treat you, you don't get to make another first impression (I know I annoy myself even), ladies take care of themselves no one wants to marry a dirty birdie (why am I at marriage at 9)".  She reluctantly with enough attitude that she hopes a belt isn't following her down the hallway but still get her point across goes to brush the hair. Picks up the book bag walks to the door and I have to yet again be a rain cloud. Ummm you don't need to leave for another 10 minutes where are you going? Insert dramatic stage play on friends waiting, don't want to be rushed, yadda yadda, want to play on the playground and scene. I say if you would like to get there early I will drive you and stay with you. There will be no walking and being without an adult for extended periods of time.  She sits pouting but with the appearance of being indifferent to me (whilst she plans my demise) As the minute sands of the hourglass (this thing must be clogged or something) tick by. Finally she is freed and goes to knock on the door and friends are gone already. Ladies and gentleman of the jury I will just say that the friends have left 5 minutes prior to their usually scheduled departure time. She offers me a cigarette and a blindfold while the firing squad polishes their rifles ( I haven't even had coffee yet). Dad comes out and again drops his vast knowledge ending all discussions. He sternly bestows the knowledge that mom is trying to keep her safe, there is no need for early departure, and he will drive her. She just gives it up and all is fine. Just like that clouds receded and winds sent the storm to another location. Probably tomorrow morning land. >sigh< GIRLS

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